This is a keystone post that I update regularly as I gain new insights into life over time.
Memento Mori (a Latin phrase that translates to “remember that you must die”) is a Stoic reminder of the certainty and inescapability of death. It is not intended to be morbid; rather, to clarify, illuminate, and inspire.
Our evolving understanding of the world through vicissitudes of life
见山是山，见水是水；
见山不是山，见水不是 水；
见山还是山，见水还是水。
Google Translate:
See mountains as mountains, see water as water;
Seeing mountains is not mountains, seeing water is not water;
Seeing mountains is still mountains, seeing water is still water.
Our understanding of life will change as we grow and learn more. From knowing nothing or little, we start by learning (知道; knowing) and following others. It is our initial understanding and can be at a superficial level.
As we grow older and our learning compounds, our perspectives and understanding of family, relationships, friendships, career, money, time, health, life as a whole, etc. will evolve through the vicissitudes of life. For example, our meaning of family and relationships will change as we grow up; from being our parents’ children to being a spouse and parents ourselves. Our meaning of happiness and meaningfulness will evolve so will our views of the world. As we gain more insights, we learn how we want to live and be contented (知足; be content) with what we know and have with what we do not know and do not have. We learn to do our best and learn to let go.
My perspectives will continue to evolve. I will update this post with my evolving perspectives. Hope this post and the blog will offer a different perspective to the readers.
A great talk by Dr Ko Wen-je (a doctor and the former mayor of Taipei, Taiwan): 【柯P老实说.EP7】柯文哲给医科生的毕业赠言：世俗的成功与失败，不过是你生命中的一部分｜20190615 阳明大学毕业典礼演说
Grades and money reign over our lives.
Many of us spend our lives trading time for money. More money is better; this is a belief that many have and drives us throughout our lives: study hard, earn more and climb up the corporate ladder. When we are young, we study hard for grades to go to good schools and universities. After we graduate, we join great companies and focus on titles, salary and power. Many are more focused on their career resume (LinkedIn) than their life resume. A career resume is having the competencies that are required of a job while a life resume is what we want and doing them. We may unconsciously do what we are expected to do in the rat race than we want to do. Hence, we can summarise aptly as:
Life = Grades during study + (Titles + Power + Salary) during working + Trophies (house, cars, watches, holidays, etc)
The “more” that was supposed to make life “better” can never be enough. More is not necessarily better, while “enough” is both supremely fulfilling and achievable. Often, we believe that there is “a way” to live lives; like everyone does.
When you grow up you tend to get told that the world is the way it is, and your life is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family, have fun, save a little money. That’s a very limited life.
Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact. And that is, everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.
Steve Jobs
Life is certainly more than grades and money. There are many things in life: families, relationships, friendships, interests/passions, love of people and country. Expand our horizons by interacting and learning about the lives of others.
We are social creatures and we compare. We embrace certainty as the default path.
We are often externally oriented. Being social creatures, we take a path of social and cultural norms and expectations of success that people live to (default path) instead of taking steps to create their unique paths. They are the life scripts that many follow. We compare and we believe they are being noticed more than they really are (spotlight effect). We believe that any non-adherence and non-conformities (i.e. taking a road less travelled) are often being scorned (or at least this is what many feel being judged themselves). This leads us to several traps:
- Certainty trap: We become so convinced of our own values and beliefs (which are societal norms and beliefs) that we are unwilling to consider alternatives that may be closer to what we truly want.
- Ought to trap: The ought to trap is the discrepancies between what others (or we) think we should do but we do not like to do.
- Prestige trap: This is the tendency to pursue careers or educational opportunities that are seen as prestigious, rather than those that are aligned with their interests or values. This can lead to people making choices that are not in their best interests, both personally and professionally.
The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think
David Icke
The default path defines success and prestige and brings about a sense of security, certainty, and being accepted and admired as we do well along the default path. While we may not be happy and feel disgruntled with the default path, it is an “easier” and socially accepted path to live along. Having money (assets and wealth signallers) “proves” our worth. Many people will override their desires to meet the perceived expectations of others. Some feel pressured to follow rather than be themselves.
The secret to a long and happy life is easy, because it’s so simple.
You don’t have a lot of envy, you don’t have a lot of resentment. You don’t overspend your income, you stay cheerful in spite of your troubles.
You deal with reliable people and you do what you’re supposed to do. And all these simple rules work so well to make your life better. And they’re so trite.
Charlie Munger figured out these simple rules at about 7 years old
Many people dislike some parts of their jobs but they stay in their jobs because their suffering is familiar. To change would be to trade the known for the unknown and change brings discomfort in hard-to-predict forms. So people avoid change and develop coping strategies.
Uncertain Discomfort < Certain Discomfort + Coping Mechanism
People will change when:
Uncertain Discomfort + Wonder > Certain Discomfort
Define your own life. There is no need to measure one against another. You do you, I do me.
For more details:
The Pathless Path: Imagining a New Story For Work and Life
The races and journey of life
Life is NOT short. Life is finite.
Once we realize that life is finite, our priorities change. When we shrink time, we increase the clarity of purpose and focus. Life is long or short depending on how we fill our lives.
We will all die. Whether success or failure, poor or wealthy, happy or sad, we will all die and leave this world with nothing. There is no need to be too attached. Just do and do our best — able to overcome setbacks and keep moving forward.
“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!
I’m always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain’t gonna have a life. “
from the movie, Rocky Balboa
“Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”
Winston Churchill.
We believe we have time.
We are aware of our family and friendship. Unfortunately, by being very aware of our relationship with money, we set a lower priority on our relationship with time (mortality) and human relationships.
We are presumptuous about our lives and others that we, our family members and friends will always “be there”.
- We assume we will live long; at least an average person based on the national statistics. Reminder: average means some live longer than average and some live less.
- We assume our spouse, family and friends will also be healthy and we will be able to enjoy life together as we retire or at least when we need them.
- We assume that if we eat well, do not smoke and exercise well, we will be fit and healthy to live well and long.
- We assume there will be time to travel and enjoy life when we retire.
Hence, we leave these to the future and busy ourselves in the present. We compartmentalised our lives and meaning distinctively into childhood, education, career and retirement.
Man proposes but God disposes.
Death and illness can come at any time unannounced. Sometimes, there is no pre-warning for us to prepare; we may not have time to do anything. It can be very sudden.
What surprises me most is “Man” because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he doesn’t enjoy the present; The result being he doesn’t live in the present or the future; He lives as if he’s never going to die, and then he dies having never really lived.
His Holiness Dalai Lama
Refer to this post on money and life: Redefining our meaning of money and life towards financial independence
Humans are inclined to hide from death, to push it to the back of our minds. Bring death to the front of your mind. Let your mortality serve to clarify your daily motivations. Let your mortality inspire you.
Sahil Bloom
The Death Paradox (向死而生): You must know your death to truly live your life.
The more I ponder about The Death Paradox, the more I reflect on the finiteness, meaning and worth of life. Writing this post is beyond penning my thoughts; I become more conscious and it helps to shape and clarify my thoughts as I update my understanding. Death should drive us to know our purpose and focus in life. Our purpose defines our priorities and our priorities guide us in what to focus on with our time and energy. The by-product of this is that we live a fulfilled life.
Most are worried about having enough money for living, enjoyment, insurance and healthcare. The plan is often about money to last through but less on the plan, time and energy.
人生啊！就像一本书，哪一个都要翻到最后一页。有的啊！画上的是句号「。」有的画的是省略号「……」。
人生，除死无大事。什么名啊、利啊！都是过眼云烟 . . . .Translated: Life! Just like a book, everyone has to be turned to the last page. Some ended with full stop; others ended with an ellipsis.
From the movie: 人生大事 (Lighting Up the Stars)
Life is nothing but death. Name, wealth — these are transitory …..
Life is finite. We have one life. Make it count. Live it in a way so that on our deathbed we can look back on our lives and say to ourselves: “What an amazing life I lived!”
You do you, I do me. Live and let live.
Here are some perspectives:
- Live your life; have your own inner scorecard
- Be contented, be useful, know what to pursue (and not to pursue)
- More being happy (internal bearing and scorecard) than successful (what others judge us)
- More understanding than judging; no one is perfect and everyone has character
- Less of me (desires and attachment), more of others (help and contribute)
- More on family, relationships and friendships than the corporate title, authority and power
- More on health and time than money
As I grow old, my consciousness about death and life increases with the passing of my parents, close family members, close relatives and good friends. I had several valuable and memorable chats about their near-death experiences and approaching death, stories of how people embrace death and the things they do and prepare for their children. “Tuesdays With Morrie”, “When Breath Becomes Air” as well as “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” are some books that give me lasting impressions about life.
Being contented and ambitious
Compare less and be yourself.
事能知足心常泰, 人到无求品自高
陈白崖
If we are feeling enough, we will be contented and comfortable. However, this does not mean having no expectations in our lives. It is a question of what to pursue and what to be contented with.
We should pursue less envy, material things, power and authority. Instead, we should pursue knowledge, learnings, friendship, and relationships and contribute to family, friends and society.
Being contented does not mean being not ambitious. It is more than doing what is right and nice; it is about doing what is needed to achieve the goals. Stay disciplined and focused. Be mature and magnanimous with a positive attitude; there will be things and people we do not like but we have to deal with to achieve our larger goals.
Ikigai is a Japanese concept worth studying. It gives a person a sense of purpose and a reason for living.
Less of me, more of others
As we get promoted, lead others and have a good salary and wealth, we can think more and more of our success and material being. With time, we accumulate knowledge, experience and expertise. We may become confident, assertive and stubborn; we have strong views and believe more in ourselves. We may have a view on many things, how things are wrong and how they can be right.
When responsibilities are reduced or retire with more time, the lack of purpose and focus may make us feel lost about the meaning of life. The availability of social media may exacerbate to show our presence and wisdom. Complaining may, unfortunately, become a new “hobby”.
For people to focus on “my life”, “my life”, “my life” destroys the capacity for compassion. From that perspective, a small problem appears to be a gigantic problem and only brings more unhappiness, frustration, insecurity, and fear.
His Holiness Dalai Lama
A strong inward focus on oneself can correspondingly mean not focusing on and neglecting others. Let’s be less detached. Before our body fades away, let’s use some time and money to leave the world a little better place.
Let’s have hobbies and interests to keep us active, engaged and fulfilled. To be able to do good and help others is always good and encouraged. Life should not always be about oneself, rather, it is about our family and friends but also the broader society.
Our lives are finite, but life is infinite. We are the finite players in the infinite game of life. We come and go, we’re born and we die, and life still continues with us or without us.
Simon Sinek
Also, doing good helps us be more empathetic to understand the broader society; to use our fortunate position to help others where possible. Helping others allows us to be less focused on ourselves and more on others.
Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world
Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy
Grateful for everything, entitled to nothing.
Jack Clark
A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in.
Greek Proverb
Good people do things for other people.
Do good. Pay it forward.
Life is finite, knowledge is infinite
It is a quote from Zhuangzi, a Chinese philosopher. The knowledge is vast and the limited time we have. It is a call to lifelong learning and to cherish the time to pursue knowledge.
We have accumulated experiences, perspectives and knowledge. We have new insights as we go through the vicissitudes of life. We begin to see things differently as 见山还是山，见水还是水 (as discussed at the beginning of the post).
It is good to share with our kids and others so that they can understand these vicissitudes of life earlier.
Be ready to die
Life is finite. Be ready to die is the relief of knowing that we have fulfilled our obligations and can die. Our parents had been taken care of and passed on. The children have grown independent and become useful members of society. We have been helping others to make a better society. We have done what we need to and what we can.
Retirement ≠ Waiting to die
While we look forward towards retirement as free of work, stress and responsibilities and doing what we like, the activities we plan and want to do may not be able to fill all the time we have. We may run out of money faster than thought.
We may feel “empty” and have the mentality of waiting to die after we run out of activities. At times, it is not the activities that matter, rather, it is our attitude and mindset towards retirement and life.
The unhappiest people of the world are those in the international watering places like the South Coast of France, and Newport, and Palm Springs, and Palm Beach. Going to parties every night. Playing golf every afternoon. Drinking too much. Talking too much. Thinking too little. Retired. No purpose.
So while there are those that would disagree with this and say “Gee, if I could just be a millionaire! That would be the most wonderful thing.” If I could just not have to work every day, if I could just be out fishing or hunting or playing golf or travelling, that would be the most wonderful life in the world – they don’t know life. Because what makes life mean something is purpose. A goal. The battle. The struggle – even if you don’t win it.
Richard Nixon
It is good to take a break in our career and experience “retirement” (mini-retirement, temporary retirement) to ponder deeper about life than imagining what retirement is about. It serves as a trial, a break from the rat race and reflection. Something we should all do if we can afford it.
Worth watching as most think of retirement in stages 1 and 2: The 4 phases of retirement | Dr Riley Moynes | TEDxSurrey
Life notes blog
Teach your children early what you learned late.
Prof. Feynman
吾生也有涯，而知也无涯。以有涯随无涯，殆已！已而为知者，殆而已矣！ 《庄子·内篇·养生主第三》
In translation: Life is short and yet learning is limitless. If you use your short life to chase limitless learning, you will eventually fail. If you know it and still trying to learn everything, you will be more tired. There is useful knowledge, but most of them are not that useful and profound.
http://www.zxiao.org/2018/04/life-is-short-learning-is-limitless/
Reflecting on what I have experienced, useful and important life lessons are not found in formal education. I learn from books, videos, social media, training programmes, valuable guidance and advice received, and my realisations from hard knocks and mistakes. I believe that it is valuable to condense into useful summaries for others to be aware of and take note of.
At times, unfortunately, some life lessons are better understood and appreciated at certain stages of life as we get older; when we start working; when we start a family. Often, we learn better after making mistakes and facing challenges, situations and events. I wish I knew them and had taken heed of them earlier.
As I observed, people beyond a certain age (in their 30s onwards) can have values and beliefs that they hold strongly and believe they are right. Their character is formed and becomes difficult to change. They may have to go through some very hard knocks to realise the flaws.
Hence, this is the purpose of this blog that I have been jotting down (and you are reading now). I hope these posts will be a useful guide for my kids to navigate their lives and challenges, especially when we are not around. Conversely, as I write, it also creates heightened awareness and consciousness of what I can do to work and help others. Writing helps (immensely) to reflect and ponder more deeply and thus, I do revise and update my posts regularly.
Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.
Benjamin Franklin
Society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in.
Anonymous Greek Proverb
Marathons
Life is a marathon, not a sprint.
Phillip C. McGraw
Marathon epitomises life well in many ways. Everyone should train and run at least one marathon to understand life. A marathon, a distance of 26.2 miles (or 42.195km), requires training before the race to do well. During the race, it takes determination to finish the race. It is mind over body (mental states and adversity quotient versus skills). Similarly, life is a journey where we need determination, discipline and grit to overcome challenges and enjoy the moment. Success requires hard work.
Marathon is possible for everyone. Marathon is an individual sport but we can train and run with friends and experienced marathoners with their encouragement. Like life, we live our lives, it can be long and arduous but we can have friends and mentors for guidance, companionship and encouragement.
“Like the marathon, life can sometimes be difficult, challenging and present obstacles, however if you believe in your dreams and never ever give up, things will turn out for the best.”
Meb Keflezighi, U.S. Olympic marathoner
Money is a tool; not the be-all, end-all
“儿孙能如我，何必留多财，
倘若不如我，多财亦是空，
不为自己求利益，但愿大众共安宁”。
~郭鹤年 母亲 (Robert Kuok’s mother)Translation:
If the children and grandchildren can be like me, then they require not of material inheritance;
If the children and grandchildren are not like me, then of what use is my wealth to them?
Do not seek personal interests but peace for all
Money is just a tool. It is a magnifier. It can change lives for the better or worse depending on the attitude and character as well as financial literacy.
“After much observation of super-wealthy families, here’s my recommendation: Leave the children enough so that they can do anything, but not enough that they can do nothing,”
Warren Buffett
Give in at least two tranches
It will be good to give them in at least two tranches to allow learning about money. They can be frivolous with the first tranche with extravagant spending and/or poor investments. Hopefully, they will learn from the first tranche and put the second and subsequent tranches to much better use.
Money and investments
Investments are more useful than just money. Holding good investments provides actual learning of investing and shows the magic of compounding rather than just saving to earn bank interest. Investing can be a powerful engine to generate another stream of income with money saved. The magic of compounding, as well as the volatility of holding the investments, are best learnt by experiencing it. Hope a good overall return will spark interest to save more, spend less and allocate more spare cash into investing as a viable strategy toward their financial independence. It will be great if this becomes a common interest among the kids where they can collaborate and help each other with research and share good recommendations.
Investing is being a business. Investing will teach about businesses and life. It teaches about humility, lifelong learning, temperament and risk-taking and these can be more important than the technical aspect of finance and valuation.
Have a great life ahead!
Keep going!
Do not stand
Clare Harner, The Gypsy, December 1934
By my grave, and weep.
I am not there,
I do not sleep—
I am the thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints in snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle, autumn rain.
As you awake with morning’s hush,
I am the swift, up-flinging rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight,
I am the day transcending night.
Do not stand
By my grave, and cry—
I am not there,
I did not die.
Other related articles that may be of interest:
A bright future: Own the game
Redefining our meaning of money and life towards financial independence
Letting go
