Like father, like son; like son, father 🧒👨

One of the most remarkable turnarounds I have witnessed.
Learning can be multidirectional within the family; we learn from each other in the family.

Photo by Harika G on Unsplash

The unfortunate “like father, like son”

As parents, we like our kids to be the better version of us.

Alas, like me, my son ended up in the Normal Course in secondary school; the longer and slower academic stream. Worse, he was streamed into the Normal (Technical) Course. The government differentiated the Normal courses into Academic (mine) and Technical. The primary school leaving examination (PSLE) deemed the most important examination in Singapore is very competitive with high standards. He could not catch up and did not understand the importance and impact.

Normal (Technical) is a slower academic stream than Normal (Academic) with a slightly different curriculum. They do not have the humanities subjects like History, Geography and Literature and have subjects like Computer Applications. About 12% of the cohort is streamed into Normal (Technical). Their default path after their 4 years of secondary education (after GCE N Level) is straight to the vocational institute (Institute of Technical Education (ITE)); there is no other option. Thereafter, depending on their results, they can progress into a polytechnic. This is 1 to 3 years longer than those from the Express stream who can go to a polytechnic right after their O Levels examination.

Singapore education pathways; a simplified version
excludes various through-train programs that skipped GCE O Level

Using the Snakes and Ladders game as an analogy, the PSLE is like a big snake for these NTech students with no ladder to climb up. It was one default pathway from NTech straight to ITE and then to Polytechnic regardless of how the NTech students may have changed and progressed since they were 12 years old. It is demoralising and a heavy price to pay for these kids who do not know about the importance of PSLE. It can create serious doubts about their self-worth, and kill their hopes and passions.

Slowly, he began to understand the reality. He asked why the Normal stream is not “normal’; the Express stream is ‘normal’ as most students are streamed to.

Being from the Normal course, I can empathise with his feelings. As parents, we feel helpless. It is painful to see the longer and slower (we felt too slow) path that he will be going through.

An unexpected trigger was the government’s Edusave Award for his academic achievement. These external recognitions and monetary incentives helped to reaffirm his capability. He began to put in effort to study and received awards for many years.

In secondary 3, he won a Bronze Award in a national animation and game-making competition open to Normal (Technical); a first win for the school. The teacher was surprised by the “complexity” of his game. We can sense his systematic and robust thinking in designing and developing the game to ensure it is playable. However, he felt not challenging as it was only open to Normal (Technical). Nevertheless, it was a good affirmation of his capabilities.

In his last year of secondary school, he topped his cohort and every subject he took including the English he took at the Normal (Academic) level (yes, he beat all the Normal (Academic) students.

The government is implementing Subject-Based Banding and doing away with Express, N(A), and N(T) streams. This is good as students learn each subject that best caters to their strengths, interests, and learning needs instead of banding and segregating them and having all subjects of the Normal course students at a slower pace. It also allows more interactions with students of different strengths and interests. Many good secondary schools offer Normal Courses; this is one step further. Let them integrate than be segregated. Continuing the Snakes and Ladders game as an analogy, there are more ladders available for these students to progress and realise their potential and bloom.

The Institute of Technical Education, ITE in short is often negatively called “It’s The End”. It is understandingly so as they represent the bottom of the cohort; the school of last resort. Many students are not proud of being in ITE. Many wear windbreakers to hide the uniform (in a hot Singapore) or change to t-shirts. My son asked for one too. My wife said no; there is nothing to hide. This is to make him more confident.

He has made the best use of the situations.

  1. The pace and environment help to regain his confidence and interest in studying.
  2. Edusave and school awards help. These external recognition and financial awards give him strong motivation and affirmation.
  3. A slower pace gives him time to find his interests to focus on and pursue them. He can explore and be curious; a better way to learn than being constrained by the limits of textbooks. The Express stream students are busier with their studies (tougher and more subjects) and more generalised with their spread of subjects.

He did many amazing things:

  • Skipped a year in ITE and joined their accelerated programme with good results
  • Joined the ITE College’s Student Council.
  • Won Silver in the WorldSkills Singapore 2023 competition where he competed with the best polytechnic students. A rare win for ITE!
    The gold medalist represents Singapore in World Skills 2024, Lyon, France.
  • Did very well during his internship
    Within weeks, he presented to customers and became a project lead consisting of ITE, poly and university interns for app development from ideation to going live.
    The company even mooted the idea of sponsoring his polytechnic course.
    He stayed on after the internship during his holiday with a good salary.
  • Perfect GPA in ITE
  • Gained direct entry into Year 2 of a polytechnic diploma course; skipping Year 1

In total, he skipped 2 years (1 year in ITE and 1 year in polytechnic); a rare achievement.

He achieved several major awards:

  • Valedictorian; Course medal (Gold); Certificate of Merit
  • The Lee Kuan Yew Model Student Award
  • The Tay Eng Soon Gold Medal
  • The Lee Kuan Yew Scholarship To Encourage Upgrading
  • The Sultan Haji Omar Ali Saifuddien Book Prize 

It hurts to watch our kids fall and fail and be helpless.

My wife guided him well. It is better to stumble when young; we are around to guide them. It is a great learning opportunity to learn about setbacks while still early in life.

在哪里跌倒,就在那里爬起来。
Where you fall, where you climb and stand up.

凡事发生必有其目的, 其结果必有助于我。
Everything happens for a reason and it is meant to serve us well.

“儿孙能如我,何必留多财,
倘若不如我,多财亦是空,
不为自己求利益,但愿大众共安宁”。
If the children and grandchildren can be like me, then they require no material inheritance;
If the children and grandchildren are not like me, then of what use is my wealth to them?
Do not seek personal interests but peace for all
Robert Kuok’s mother, Tang Kak Ji wrote these words herself and then got a small shop to inscribe them. This has become the family motto of Robert Kuok’s family.

Many ITE students have gone on to do well in polytechnics and universities, They mature later and may not be good in the usual academic subjects. They find and know their interests with more specialised courses (arts, cooking, hairdressing, tech) in ITE and polytechnics that help them realise their potential and regain their confidence.

It has been a beautiful turnaround for him so far. He has made the best use of the situations.

  1. The pace and environment help to regain his confidence and interest in studying.
  2. Edusave and school awards help; external recognition and financial awards give him strong motivation and affirmation.
  3. A slower pace gives him time to find his interests to focus on and pursue them. He can explore and be curious; a better way to learn than within the limits of textbooks. The Express stream students are busier with their studies (tougher and more subjects) and more generalised with their spread of subjects.

It is painful to watch our kids fall and fail. It is okay to fail; a setback does not mean we are doomed and not destined for success.

在哪里跌倒,就在那里爬起来。(Where you fell, where you climb and stand up.)

Take responsibility and climb up. My wife guided him well. It is better to stumble when young while we are around to guide them. It is a great learning opportunity to learn about setups while still early in life.

天生我才必有用 (everybody is good at something)

Let a thousand flowers bloom in their ways.

Everyone’s potential and capabilities are different and we cannot measure them with the same ruler. As parents, we are our children’s 伯乐 to know their character and capabilities and guide them rather than subject them to the societal ruler of success.

Like son, like father

He pushes himself very hard. We begin to see a different him: very determined, resilient and hardworking.

We accidentally discovered his profile website*, his tech review website, GitHub* and YouTube channel*. He has gone very technical and in some instances, beyond those taught in polytechnic.
* We are not supposed to know.

From the bottom 12% of the cohort, he makes huge progress. We hope he is not overly focused on reaffirming himself and proving that he is normal.

We are happy and fulfilled. He still has weaknesses to work on but good progress has been made.

长江后浪推前浪,浮事新人换旧人
Google Translate: The waves behind the Yangtze River push the waves ahead, newcomers replace old ones.
It also shows the progress of society with how the younger generation is taking advantage of the available opportunities to learn, use and apply to their advantages.

后生可畏 (describes that young people can surpass their predecessors)
May our children be better than us.

If he can do it, why can’t I? If he can do it, why can’t we? He is someone I am learning from.

His elder sister: Story of our 17 years old daughter so far: 6 lessons we learn from her