One of the most remarkable turnarounds I have witnessed.
We are learning from our kids. Learning can be multidirectional within the family; we learn from each other in the family.
The unfortunate “like father, like son”
As parents, we like our kids to be the better version of us. Alas, like me, my son ended up in the Normal Course in secondary school; the longer and slower academic stream. Worse, he was streamed into the Normal (Technical) Course. The government differentiated the Normal courses into Academic (mine) and Technical. The primary school leaving examination (PSLE) deemed the most important examination in Singapore is very competitive with high standards. He was not able to catch up and did not understand the importance and impact.
Normal (Technical) is a slower academic stream than Normal (Academic) with a slightly different curriculum. They do not have the typical humanities subjects like History, Geography and Literature at all and have subjects like Computer Applications. About 12% of the cohort is streamed into Normal (Technical). Their default path after their 4 years of secondary education (after GCE N Level) is straight into the vocational institute (Institute of Technical Education); there is no other option. Depending on their results, they can progress into a polytechnic thereafter. This is 3 years longer than those from the Express stream who can go to a polytechnic right after their O Levels examination.
excludes various through-train programs that skipped GCE O Level
Slowly, he began to understand the reality. He asked why the Normal stream is not “normal’ (the Express stream is ‘normal’ as the majority of the students are streamed to).
Being from the Normal course, I can empathise with his feelings. As parents, we feel helpless. It is painful to see the longer and slower (we felt too slow) path that he will be going through.
Using the Snakes and Ladders game as an analogy, the PSLE is like a big snake for these NTech students with no ladder at all. It was just one default pathway from NTech straight to ITE and then to Poly regardless of how the NTech students may have changed and progressed since 12 years old. It is demoralising and too heavy a price to pay for these kids who do not know about the importance of PSLE. It can create serious doubts about their self-worth, and kill their hopes and passions.
Waking up moments and the remarkable turnaround
An unexpected trigger that motivated him came from the government’s Edusave Award for his academic achievement. These external recognitions and monetary incentives helped to reaffirm his capability. He put in more and more effort to study and has been receiving awards every year.
In secondary 3, he won a Bronze Award in a national animation and game-making competition open to Normal (Technical); a first win for the school. The teacher was surprised by the “complexity” of his game. We can sense his systematic and robust thinking in designing and developing the game to ensure that it is playable. However, he felt not challenging as it was only open to Normal (Technical). Nevertheless, it was a good affirmation of his capabilities.
In his last year of secondary school, he topped his cohort and every subject he took including the English he took at the Normal (Academic) level (yes, he beat the students at the Normal (Academic) level for the subject).
The government is implementing Subject-Based Banding and doing away with Express, N(A), and N(T) streams. This is good as students learn each subject that best caters to their strengths, interests, and learning needs instead of banding and segregating them and having all subjects of the Normal course students at a slower pace. It also allows more interactions with students of different strengths and interests. Many good secondary schools offer Normal Courses; this is one step further. Let them integrate than be segregated. Continuing the Snakes and Ladders game as an analogy, there are more ladders available for these students to progress and realise their potential and bloom.
The Institute of Technical Education, ITE in short is often negatively called “It’s The End”. It is understandingly so as they represent the bottom of the cohort; the school of last resort. Well, some schools have to be at the bottom to equip the kids with the right skills and values. Many students are not proud of being in ITE. Many wear windbreakers to hide the uniform (in a hot Singapore). My son asked for one too. My wife said no; there is nothing to hide. This is to make him more confident in himself and not have an inferiority complex.
At ITE, he managed to cut his course by a year to 2 years because of his good academic results (apparently, a new scheme for better students to progress faster). This is a good move by the government as too long a route can be demotivating. The opportunity for a faster route is motivating for those who have turned around.
From his journey in Normal Technical and ITE, we can see the nuances that the schools are trying to nurture the kids. The teachers are strict with these kids. They learn some aspects of sex education and the unhealthy aspects of smoking through their Science subject (than the usual social classes). In ITE, their lessons start late (students have no reason to be late) and have a long lunch break. They have many subjects to prepare them for the working world knowing that ITE may be their last formal education. One subject is photography and videography (the lecturer said: it will be a very useful skill).
It has been a beautiful turnaround for him so far. He has made the best use of the situations.
- The pace and environment help to regain his confidence and interest in studying.
- Edusave and school awards help; external recognition and financial awards give him strong motivation and affirmation.
- A slower pace gives him time to find his interests to focus on and pursue them. He can explore and be curious; a better way to learn than within the limits of textbooks. The Express stream students are busier with their studies (tougher and more subjects) and more generalised with their spread of subjects.
It is painful to watch our kids fall and fail. It is okay to fail; a setback does not mean we are doomed and not destined for success.
在哪里跌倒，就在那里爬起来。(Where you fell, where you climb and stand up.)
Take responsibility and climb up. My wife guided him well. It is better to stumble when young while we are around to guide them. It is a great learning opportunity to learn about setups while still early in life.
凡事发生必有其目的, 其结果必有助于我。
Everything happens for a reason and it is meant to serve us well.
“儿孙能如我，何必留多财，
倘若不如我，多财亦是空，
不为自己求利益，但愿大众共安宁”。If the children and grandchildren can be like me, then they require not of material inheritance;
Robert Kuok’s mother, Tang Kak Ji wrote these words herself and then got a small shop to inscribe them. This has become the family motto of Robert Kuok’s family.
If the children and grandchildren are not like myself, then of what use is my wealth to them?
Do not seek personal interests but peace for all
A paradoxical principle for parents: Don’t make your kid’s life easy
Many ITE students go on to ace and top their cohort in polytechnics and universities, They mature later and may not be good in academic subjects. However, they can find and know their interests with more specialised courses (arts, cooking, hairdressing, tech) in ITE and polytechnics that help them realise their potential and regain their confidence. Everyone’s potential and capabilities are different and we cannot measure them with the same ruler.
天生我才必有用 (everybody is good at something)
Let a thousand flowers bloom in their ways.
Like son, like father
He is pushing himself very hard:
- Joined the ITE College’s Student Council.
- Maintaining his perfect GPA with the internship remaining
- Enrolled himself on the Singapore World Skills competition; the Olympics of Skills.
The gold medalist will represent Singapore in World Skills 2024. He pitted against the best ITE and polytechnic representatives and won Silver. - Asked for the toughest internship available. ITE internships can be quite menial.
Within weeks, he presented to customers, led projects and was responsible for an entire app development. He was asked to stay on. - Determined to gain direct entry into Year 2 of a polytechnic diploma course.
- Set a very high bar to enrol in the Computer Science degree programme at the National University of Singapore (NUS).
It is one of the toughest degree programmes to get into, requiring a polytechnic GPA score of 3.84 out of 4.
We were surprised when he asked to sit for Additional Maths in GCE O Level as a private candidate. The subject is not offered in the Normal Technical course. He confessed that he had been self-studying. Maths is an important requirement at NUS Computer Science. Because he skipped one year of ITE and intends to skip one year in polytechnic, he may not have the required Maths foundation, so he approached his lecturer to take Maths subject in ITE. The polytechnic admission officer also remarked that NUS Computer Science is maths-heavy; why not consider Computer Science degrees in other universities? He is very determined to achieve his goal.
We accidentally discovered his profile website*, GitHub* and YouTube channel*. He also has a tech review website*. He has gone very technical and in some instances, beyond those taught in polytechnic.
* We are not supposed to know
Why is he loading himself with so much stuff? Can he cope? As parents, we are anxious when the kids are not studying and we are also anxious when they are pushing too hard. I guess this is what parents are about. At least, we are here to provide support and guidance.
From the bottom 12% of the cohort, he has huge progress and aims to be at the top of the cohort. We hope he is not overly focused on reaffirming himself and proving that he is normal. We have to keep reminding him that he is good and doing well; focus on improving his craft rather than seeking self-affirmation.
We are very amazed and impressed by his turnaround and growth mindset — his determination, and self-learning capabilities. How does he have the time and motivation to learn so much and be able to apply them? He shows the possibilities and a growth mindset. He has set a high bar in the family and shows a different path of progress.
If he can do it, why can’t I? If he can do it, why can’t we? He is someone I am learning from.
长江后浪推前浪，浮事新人换旧人 (Google Translate: The waves behind the Yangtze River push the waves ahead, newcomers replace old ones). It also shows the progress of society with how the younger generation is taking advantage of the available opportunities to learn, use and apply to their advantages.
后生可畏 (describes that young people can surpass their predecessors)
May our kids be better than us.
We can be complacent. We believe we learn enough and stop learning or learn less. Unfortunately, our experience may be outdated and can be a liability. Strong opinions loosely held. We have to stay open-minded and curious to keep learning.
As the old adage goes, the man who believes he knows everything learns nothing. We cannot learn anything without first not knowing something. The more we admit we do not know, the more opportunities we gain to learn.
Extracted from the book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
His elder sister: Story of our 17 years old daughter so far: 6 lessons we learn from her
